The other day I was talking with a male friend of mine. He was feeling somewhat frustrated over how long it takes women to be willing to have sex in the early stages of dating. I gave him my theory on the matter: Women actually DO want to have sex on the first or second date. Women like sex JUST as much as men do, possibly even more. But culturally, women are taught to hesitate. I think a lot of this goes back to teen virginity loss. What happens if a high school boy shows up to school on a Monday and tells his friends he lost his virginity over the weekend? He gets high fives. What happens if a high school girl does the same? Chances are pretty good that her friends will tell her she’s acting like a slut. Especially if she hadn’t been dating the boy for very long. So girls get the impression (both from their culture and from other girls) that they must develop some sort of deep, meaningful, committed bond with a boy before having sex with him. This sucks, in my opinion. It sucks for young men, because they aren’t looking for a deep, committed relationship at that age. And it sucks for young women, because emotional attachment becomes a burdensome prerequisite for indulging in wonderful, wonderful sex! Really, if young women were encouraged to desire outside of the box, they also wouldn’t be looking for a committed relationship at such a young age. They are taught to think that’s what they want. And the misery that results affects both them and their male partners. (Emotional suffocation.)
So here’s my solution. Fuck on the First Date condoms. It will be a line of condoms marketed specifically to young women. Maybe the wrappers will have something like a pattern of Coach purse C’s across them, or cute pink anime creatures. On the back of each condom wrapper, a bold quote or question will be emblazoned (in the spirit of fortune cookies). Such as... “Have you told the hotty pants next door that you want to fuck him?” (Teens will collect the wrappers and decorate their lockers with them.) The goal of FFD Condoms will be to tear down the shame and vulnerability women have been enculturated to feel about having sex prior to developing deep emotional attachment. Wonderful happiness will thrive as a result! Women will no longer feel like they must control and snare men in order to have legitimate sexual enjoyment. Men will stop suffering the pain of blue balls. And just imagine how fun it could be... Men would buy cardboard heart-shaped boxes on Valentine’s Day filled with FFD condoms AND chocolates for their favorite ladies. And women would never respond with scathing remarks like, “You’re such a dog!” or “What do you think I am, a piece of meat?”
How do I know this will work? Because I have always been the kind of woman who fucks on the first date, and I have found it to liberating and quite enjoyable. I’ve gotten a lot of criticism from both male and female peers for that, and it used to make me feel ashamed. Luckily, I tend to be so passionately absorbed in my own desires that I am rendered oblivious to what other people think of me until after the fact. So even in my younger years, when I apologized to everyone for everything that I was, I never did stop being a fuck-on-the-first-date kind of lass. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.