Saturday, January 22, 2011

Eternal Opposite Day

I suddenly understand that my reality is stuck on Eternal Opposite Day. So from now on, I must do the opposite of everything my whims tell me to do. I have to lavish adoration on the things I think bore me. I have to shrug my shoulders apathetically at the things that intoxicate me. I have to allocate more time to the people I don't think I need to spend time with, and allot little to no time to those I am dead convinced I must see CONSTANTLY. When I have the urge to do something publicly, I have to keep it private. When I feel I HAVE to do something IMMEDIATELY, I must instead wait.

I get it now. I can do Opposite Day.

4 comments:

  1. I hope this is more of a statement than an actual plan of action, because this is all contrary to everything I know and love about you. This is essentially packing your spirit into a tiny box, locking it up, and putting it on the shelf while it screams to be let out. I know the decision is yours, but I can't condone this.

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  2. No worries! It's not like what it sounds like. This is about certain illusions in my life that I've become aware of. It's about doing certain things for the wrong reasons. For example: wanting to post something on Facebook solely for the purpose of catching the attention of someone I'm obsessed with. Or wanting to suck magic from the souls of others to fill the own aching void in my heart, instead of finding something within me to fill it. So what this is about is pausing to think about the motivations behind what's driving me to do certain things. It's about learning to not deceive myself or others about what's motivating my behavior. So don't worry, I won't be pushing myself into any box. It will be the opposite. It will be tearing down the box I've still been partway hiding inside!

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  3. Reading this, it struck me again just what a strong creative being you are. You have so many traits of the artist, and extreme thinking is one of them. I think like this too. It's taken me many years to go from "I will NEVER do this again, and if I do I will PLUNGE a sword into my breast, which will be beating with UNBEARABLE remorse" to "I may do this again, and in that case I might be unhappy, depending on circumstances, but I will deal with that situation as it arises."

    Remember, your greatest curse is also your greatest gift. The things you struggle with about yourself you carry for a reason.

    There is just no one else like you, Sandman. And the people who love you...well, we wouldn't have it any other way.

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  4. My eyebrow shot up, too, reading this. I do this, too. It's a trick: how to catch the qualities certain impulses carry to your life. Routing a selection of them to Opposite Day is fiendishly clever.

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